When I am starting to be aware about something that happened to me. How do I handle the awareness?

There are two paths I can take when I am starting to be aware.

1, Go down the guilt and shame path that everything is my fault and that I am bad. But if you think deeper into this thought process the abuser ends up winning because that is exactly what they want. They want to put the blame on you so that they don’t feel guilty for what they have done. If I take it to another level and go through all the history with me and the abuser I can see that every time I had a situation with them in the past all I did was go down the guilt and shame path. Going down the guilt and shame path all it does is recreates the issues. Plus running away from the reality of what’s really going on in the big picture. The reason why it is so much easier to go down the guilt and shame path is because it is my comfort zone that is all I know because that is what I did every time I was in a situation that was not in my control.

2, Going down the of awareness and not running into shame and guilt, is much harder than the guilt and shame path because it is reality and the truth can really hurt. I have to be able to learn how to handle the pain with out running into shame and guilt and start blaming myself for what happened. Awareness is about building my self esteem at the same time. This second path is much harder than the first path. It the correct path to take because it’s the breakthrough if I can’t be in awareness of what’s going on I defiantly can’t go into the acceptance stage. The awareness stage is the first and most painful because I might feel fooled for some many years and that will contradict me getting into awareness. I have to block out all the emotions and be fully concentrated on the reality over that it is my life on the lines and I have to take care myself for myself the most I can and stop feeling the shame and guilt for something wasn’t even in my control.